


Sinking

by Android18



Series: Sink or Swim [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Falling In Love, Fluff and Angst, Humor, Immortality, M/M, Misunderstandings, Multi, Past Lives, Roommates, Sleepovers, keeping secrets, mermaid au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-04-15
Updated: 2014-08-09
Packaged: 2018-01-19 13:28:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1471528
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Android18/pseuds/Android18
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mermaid Au in which Marco finally finds Jean's reincarnation with the help of his friends, the only problem now is making that hot tempered, antisocial, sexy ass man fall in love with him...again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Breathe

They say that the best way to find what you’ve lost is to retrace your steps. But for me, it feels like I’ve been shuffling backwards my entire life. Even so, I know that at one point, I’ll always end up right back where I need to be…or so I’ve always thought.

I mean, I simply wasn’t expecting things to play out like this or to be in this awkward situation.

Let me just say that watching Jean beat the ever-loving shit out of Eren was definitely not on the itinerary for today, wallowing maybe but this? Not exactly.

I guess I have some explaining to do. It’s a pretty long story but I guess I’ll start from the moment I finally met Jean Kirschtein…again.

~

I glided my hand along the cool textured white walls of Trost University, a nervous habit I hadn’t quite been able to kick, gently thrumming my fingers over each bump and indent as I made my way closer to the thick wooden door that lied at the end of the somewhat empty hall.

A single door stood between me and the one person who I’d always believed had been my future.

A face full of freckles and mildly tousled chocolate hair reflected back at me from my phone as I checked the clock for the hundredth time today. But I had made it here, still very nervous and every bit as glad I’d managed to arrive early, all for the sake of rooming with a certain hot-tempered guy.

I braved on, slipping the phone back into my jeans pocket, ignoring the goosebumps that rushed over my skin with each step I took to that door.

This was my day. Probably my last chance as well.

God, I had been waiting for what seemed like forever for another opportunity like this, another chance to make Jean Kirschtein _fall in love_ with _me—_ again.

Will I get it right this time? How hard will it be?

I mean it’s not like I hadn’t done this before; in fact, I’ve done this plenty of times, each time tougher than the next.

My hand trembled slightly as it hovered over the door handle, my steps faltering moments from opening the door.

 _Go in Marco. Just move your feet. It’ll be ok,_ I tried to encourage myself.

Anxiety loomed over my head suffocating me, the pressure weighing heavily against my tense shoulders almost as if trying to drown me, hauling me into a dark abyss I just couldn’t escape…

_But that’s impossible; I can’t drown—because I’m a mermaid._

Yeah, I couldn’t really _drown_ per se; actually, I couldn’t really _die_ either, making me one hella cute immortal…or so I’ve been told.

But that didn’t stop me from reeling the feeling of it; after all, humans are sensitive creatures.

With heavy hands I pushed the door open, maybe a little harder than intended since it swung wide open, slamming hard against the wall with a resounding smack.

“ _Jean...”_ the word dripped from my lips helplessly as anxious tears tried to force their way to the brim of my eyes. Instead, I ended up simply staring through doorway, mesmerized by the most unbelievable sight just a few feet away.

There, sitting across the room, casually scribbling away in his notebook in a black Pokemon evolution t-shirt and light wash jeans sat the man I have spent my entire life searching for.

 _Breathe…_ I had to remind myself every few seconds seeing as how the concept of acting human totally slipped my mind and right out the window. 

Light honey brown eyes met mine as Jean finally twisted my way, snapping me out of my sudden daze; he met me with a scowl before returning to his writing along with mumbling a string of curses I didn’t quite catch.

I could still very much tell how furious he was; his cute face crinkled deepening the furrow of his brow and the tip of his ears turned a lovely shade of scarlet. He even still did the thing where he chomped down on the corner of his bottom lip. If he bit any harder, it’d be next to impossible to quell the urge to ravish those plump lips.

And then I remembered I was still staring.

 _Stop it, you’ll creep him out_ …I had to remind myself again. I blinked once, then twice. _Was this normal enough?_ Probably not, since I stopped blinking when I caught sight of how his two tone hair fell gently on his face and how just as easily he combed it back with a simple graze of the hand.

_Now that I think about it, his hair is a little longer than I remember, but he still looks just as handsome as ever…_

But this was definitely not the time to get distracted or hesitate so I braced myself with my best smile, moving cautiously toward him.

_Don’t screw this up, don’t screw this up, for the love of god Marco, please don’t screw this up…_

Clearing my throat, I extended quite a shaky hand to Jean. I couldn’t help it; not only was I a walking bundle of nerves, but I was also deadly terrified of what was becoming my horrible first impression.

“Hey, I’m Marco Bodt. Looks like we’re gonna be roommates.”

_Oh god, he looked at me. Calm down, the day just started you can do it…remember, you are not alone. Connie and the others are helping this time…_

Problem was, Connie and Armin were nowhere to be found. Maybe they were just running late, I mean, Connie never was quite the punctual guy. See when we first met, many centuries ago, he missed his departure with his clan forcing him to extend his vacation playing with the penguins in the Arctic Circle. Fortunately for him, I was able to keep him company since my clan had just recently arrived.

Armin, on the other hand, for as long as I’ve known him was definitely meticulous. Ever so nitpicky about the details, there’s no way he’d ever be late. I don’t think late is even in his vocabulary.

This worried me, no call, no text, no way of knowing where they were or if they were even coming at all.

I was being ambushed my all my negative thoughts, when suddenly the hum of Jean’s smooth low voice called me away, “Jean. Yea, guess we are. If you don’t mind, I already claimed that bed.”

My eyes followed Jean’s slender finger to the farthest wall on the left to a bed which looked very much already settled in. Clothes had already been thrown every which way, some wrinkled, others balled up, not to mention had a stack of Pokémon games scattered by its edge.

 _So typical Jean…_ I couldn’t help but smile, relaxing my shoulders a bit knowing that even after all these years some things never changed.

Familiar voices from behind caught my attention, making me snap my head around.

“Connie! Armin!” I let out a soft sigh of relief as the short buzzed haired guy and blonde entered. Running to them, I left no room for them to escape from my bear hug.

“Marco…can’t breathe…you fucking…giant…” Connie groaned patting me rapidly on my back.

“Oh sorry guys, I’m just so glad you guys are finally here,” I tried explaining as my face heated up. Rubbing the back of my neck, I went ahead and asked, “Get here alright? Kinda took ya a while there.”

“Oh you know just the usual ‘traffic’, plus it took a while for Armin to dry so that’s why we’re late. Otherwise, you wouldn’t have had to have gone in by yourself,” Connie smirked, jabbing an elbow in Armin’s side.

“Sorry Marco, my hairdryer stopped working so I had to borrow Sasha’s. I know how important it is this time around…”

“Ah it’s ok, I just barely walked in…Don’t think I made such I good impression seeing as I kinda slammed the door open like some barbarian…”

Connie and Armin looked at each other before erupting in a fit of giggles.

“Jesus Marco, it’s already hard enough. But don’t worry, we’ll figure something out!” Connie managed grabbing his sides.

Just as the laughter subsided, an arm snaked its way around Connie’s shoulders, followed by a, “Hey, I’m Jean, your _other_ roommate.”

God, seeing that arm in the wrong place irritated me to no end.

Armin glanced to Connie, both trying to maintain their smiles at the little predicament at hand. A gentle brush on my arm from Armin comforted me enough to keep me from spilling everything on the spot right then and there.

Connie on the other hand, didn’t hesitate to break the silence, “Oh yea, guys this is Jean,” introducing him as if we didn’t already know who he was, “Jean, this is Armin and looks like you already met Marco.”

“Hey,” Jean nodded.

“Sweet, looks like we got the good roomies! So let have fun, yea?!” he grinned and pointed to Armin then again to me.

With a quick pat, he grabbed his stuff, “Here, let me help you,” I said as I reached down for one of his suitcases.

I trailed behind Connie to the other room across from mine. I couldn’t help blurting out, “He doesn’t like me.”

“Jesus, Marco. We just started, don’t give up on him yet,” he groaned, pretty sure he’s tired of all my pessimistic commentary.

“I know…I’m just scared is all. I mean what if what happened last time happens again?”

“It won’t, that’s why you have us here,” Connie assured me, “Anyway, since you’re actually sharing a room now, you have to be more careful.”

Connie looked up from his unpacking, a somber expression on his face, “If he finds out about us _mermaids_ too soon, we’ll just be repeating exactly what happened last time.”

I winced, definitely didn’t want to relive traumatic events.

“I understand. So what now?” I asked.

“Now, you just be you. The point is for him to come to you, or at least meet you halfway. For now, just try to get him to be your friend,” he advised.

I let out a sigh, “Ok. Well, I guess we can go hang out in the living room and get situated first.”

I opened the door, eyes widening at Jean’s stance. I had opened the door long enough to watch Armin touch Jean’s abs which for some reason then prompted him to remove his pants.

_What the hell was going on? Why? He’s only been here a few minutes and Armin already had him half naked?!_

My vision clouded momentarily, a rush of mixed emotions…being human definitely sucked right now even if it was temporary.

_I need some air…or water in this case._

My breath quickened as my eyes searched for the exit, hastily running out and straight to the pool.

Of course, the doors to the Natatorium were locked to the students until the official start of school; luckily, I didn’t have to wait that long. Somehow, Armin had managed to get us all copies of the key. I slipped in the key easily, unlocking the chains on the heavy metal doors.

Reaching the pool, I snatched two towels from the rack and set them close to the edge before I dived in. I let all my worries sink into the deep as I breathed in, painfully letting the water course through my lungs, forcing my gills open. Relief soon washed over me as I watched as my legs mesh together transforming into a tail and letting the shimmering scales cover my body where my freckles once were.

Even after all the transformations I’ve done over the years, my body was still not used to it but I’m glad the pain was only momentary. It’s what I could do after that made it all worth it.

With a swish of my tail, I swam from one stretch to the other letting the rush of water flow over every scale in my body.

The water glistened above as it reflected the afternoon sun through the glass roof.

_Feels like home…_

I swam on my back for what seemed like hours, though it may have been only minutes, relishing the sensation of floating but underwater.

 _I finally found him again, things can only get better..._ I told myself.

I reached out a hand, loving the feeling of being weightless, “Time to go back.”

I lifted my heavy body out the pool, dragging myself onto a towel gasping like a fish out of water as the air painfully entered my lungs once again. I waited until the sun dried my tail long enough that my legs easily separated.

 _Maybe I should lay off the full transformation,_ I thought to myself.

And now that Jean was back in the picture, any sort of transformation was risky. Taking into account my lack of control, it was no surprise it took longer to revert back. Perhaps I could get away with the partial transformation since I still had my legs and the revert time was less.

Nevertheless, I headed to the locker room. I sat underneath the hand dryer, letting the hot air dry my skin enough to hide my scales and return my freckly tan flesh.

Once dry enough, I headed back to the dorm getting there just in time to join the guys as they popped in a movie.

“Mind if I joined?” I asked a bit embarrassed. I usually wasn’t one to storm off on people, I just didn’t have the heart to do those kinds of things, but I did. I left and gave no explanation.

Yet, what I saw was not disappointment but relief wash over their faces as their tense shoulders eased. “Not at all, we just started,” the replied handing me the giant bowl of chips.

“Thanks,” I mumbled meekly taking a seat on the floor next to Jean and right in between Connie’s legs as he sat on the couch next to Armin.

I casually leaned back getting comfortable between Connie’s legs munching on the chips before placing the bowl down to avoid throwing them everywhere when something scary popped out—which I usually ended up doing.

I thought I should mention that I hated scary movies. I hated how they were so unpredictable. I hated how the gory faces just popped out of nowhere. And I hated how they made me look weak and childish.

But I knew Jean loved them, he’d love them ever since I took him to watch the first horror film that ever come out in France back in the 1890s. I remember the stupid grin he had plastered on his face the entire 3 minutes of the silent movie.  And I also remember his relentless laughter at my expense as I held onto him…

So I stayed put, covering my eyes after every shock, shrill scream, and frightening music, unconsciously drifting toward Jean.

My hand remained in the chip bowl throughout the movie seeing as I was too scared to even move a muscle. Too scared, that I didn’t even notice Jean’s brief touch on my hand.

_Oh god, don’t talk to the old lady, don’t talk to the old lady, what are you doing?!_

Oh god, I watched as the man in the movie who had clearly been warned to stay away from the old lady in black question her.

_Who does that?!_

My heart accelerated, already becoming difficult to breathe when I felt a hand on my shoulder. I tensed, not wanting to turn around. What if it was the old lady? What if Connie took my picture and she was in it getting closer and closer with each photo?

Those were the thoughts that had consumed my mind until a soothing voice whispered in my ear, “Don’t worry Marco, movie is almost over. And remember, it’s not real man.”

_Right, this isn’t real. It’s almost over…_

I instantly felt better, but still prepared myself because the endings are always the worst.

But it was still not enough as I watched the woman take the picture of the father and having old lady come at me, I mean she didn’t come at me, but it surely felt like it. Either way, that didn’t stop me doubling over as I screamed and kicked over the bowl.

The lights were on the second it was over with Armin clearing his throat saying, “Ah, that was a good movie. Guess we should call it a night?”

I saw the look on his face, how his hands trembled, and the wavering in his voice, a bit glad to know I wasn’t the only one who couldn’t handle these kinds of movies.

“Yeah, first class is in the morning,” I agreed, knowing we were both going to have trouble sleeping later on. I wobbled to the kitchen retrieving the broom to quickly clean up the mess I had created.

As I began sweeping, Jean leaned over taking hold of the dust pan, “Oh let me help you.”

“Oh, thanks,” I mumbled, feeling the heat rush to the tip of my ears as it always did when Jean spoke to me.

Maybe he doesn’t hate me, or whatever it was at least it was a step in the right direction.

After throwing away the wasted chips, we separated saying our goodnights before heading to our room.

Out of the corner of my eyes, I watched Jean get ready for bed. I couldn’t help it; it’s another habit I haven’t been able to break.

Once his shirt reach over his head revealing his smooth skin, it took every fiber of my being to keep away. He tempted me, always tempted me. All I wanted to do at that moment was reach over and kiss every inch of his body.

No words could possibly describe my longing to be so close to him again, close enough that I could feel his heat sticking to my body, close enough to feel his breath lingering on my skin, close enough to feel his every muscle move beneath me, so close that I could hear his heartbeat.

Sigh _….but I’m starting from zero…again,_ I remind myself.

_He’s gonna have to like me first and right now I have no idea what he thinks of me._

I shake off my wandering thoughts, and changed into some comfy pajamas, settling in the fluffiness of the bed and the warmth of my blanket.

My eyes drooped heavy with sleep, but they remained open, wide open once the lights went off. All the scenes from the movie replayed in my head, it was like I was watching it all over again.

Pretty soon I found my eyes wondering about the room, looking over every shadow and tensing at the slightest noise. Perhaps this wasn’t going to be a good night after all…

“Marco?” a voice whispered, coming from Jean’s bed.

I took a moment before I whispered back, “Yes.”

“Do you want me to leave the light on?” he suggested.

“No, it’s ok.”

But I did, I wanted there to be light, more than that I want Jean to somehow come to my bed like he used to. Yet, I knew he wouldn’t.

Hearing his voice in the pitch dark instantly eased my body, so I reached over for my phone. Sliding the screen to unlock, I slowly scrolled over the only pictures in my gallery on my brightly lit screen. I couldn’t help it as a smile creeped onto my face. And with that I completely forgot about that dreadful movie, letting the sleep consume me as I held tightly to my only peace of mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sup guys, thanks for taking some time and giving this a look see!
> 
> This is my first JeanMarco fic. I apologize ahead of time for all the grammar mistakes and misspellings. Seriously, I'm sorry, english grammar is my sworn enemy lol


	2. Not so bad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marco has a lot of worries and a lot of questions.

Light warmed my face as I shifted sides in my fluffy bed, my feet tangled between the thick, soft sheets at the foot of my bed.

Reluctantly, I managed an eye open realizing I have woken up seconds before my alarm went off. I watched as the buzzer sounded, it’s ringing echoing in the empty room while flashing its bold red digits.

7:30 A.M.

 _My class starts at eight…_ I let out a heavy sigh. Honestly, I’d never been much of a morning person…ever.

Swinging my legs off to the side, my body limped forward feeling heavier than it ever had before. I reached up, wiggling my fingers at the ceiling, stretching and loosening my sleepy muscles.

_Seems it’s been quite a while since I’ve slept in an actual bed. Guess it does make a difference, especially when the whole ocean is your bed._

 I cranked my neck to the side to an unmade bed, the place where Jean should have been remained empty, even as my eyes as scanned the room, he was nowhere to be found.

_He’s left already…didn’t even bother to wake me up…_

I tried not to get myself so down about it, but what was I supposed to think having this happen so early in the morning?

I understand that I may not have made the best first impression, but must he flat out not even give me a chance to be friends? What, don’t I not even get to say ‘Good morning’?

Trudging to the restroom, I prepared for class. I grabbed hold of the sink, slowly bringing my face up to the mirror watching as chocolate brown eyes sadly look back at me.

_Aww don’t look at me like that…_

Twinging, I looked closer.

_God, I really did look horrible._

My bed head hair stuck out in one direction while my eyes crusty with sleep, I turned on the faucet, washing my face without a thought.

Shimmering scales began to replace my freckles, “Oh no,” I mumbled pulling and rubbing at my face. I reached for a towel rushing to pat my face dry, but it wasn’t enough. I tried not to panic as I raided the cabinets ultimately left with no choice but to retrieve my hair dryer from my bag which happened to be in the room…on the other side…next to my bed.

Sticking my head out the door, I checked for Jean just in case he returned for some reason. Maybe, maybe it was a good thing Jean wasn’t in this morning.

I rushed to my bag, snatched it then returned to the bathroom. The bathroom was bigger than I expected; it had a walk-in shower with sliding glass doors, full functioning sink, and toilet. Of course, I never thought I’d end up having to share one with Jean.

I sat on the toilet, plugged in the blow dryer and let the hot air hit my face. Also, made a mental note to be more careful. I hate to admit it but Connie was right, I was going to have to be more cautious about living in the same room as Jean.

Heading back into the room after making sure my face was back to normal, I opened the closet. I pulled out some light blue jeans and a random concert tee from back in the days. It’s not like I expected Jean to recognize my clothes, but I kinda wished he did. Of course, the really old clothes like the ones from when we first met, god, I hope those stayed in the closet forever.

I opened the window just to check the weather, the cool breeze from outside so refreshing it instantly brought back some nice memories.

The wind blew cold enough for me to take a hoddie, so I reached for the nearest one and made my way out. Back in the living room, I caught Armin and Connie having breakfast.

“Morning guys, ready for today?” I smiled, ready to start the day.

Now I knew Connie wasn’t a morning person either, but the faces he made so early really made my day, some days I’d even catch him fast asleep eating cereal with his spoon still up in the air.

“Morning Marco, how’d you sleep?” Armin asked as he spread strawberry jam on his toast.

“Pretty good, you?” I asked, curious whether he was able to sleep after watching Insidious.

That woke up Connie though, as he answered for him, “Ha! He had to go sleep in Jaeger’s room,” he teased as he pointed a spoon at him.

Those weren’t the words I was expecting, “You mean Eren’s here?” I chuckled nervously.

_If he’s here, then that means… **she** isn’t too far away…_

I knew it was ridiculous to be jealous, such an ugly feeling…

I gulped, feeling my throat close up, but I knew exactly what would happen if Jean saw _her_ …I knew I wouldn’t even have a chance. I closed a hand over my chest as it tightened.

“Ah yeah, followed Heichou here,” he slurped, so relaxed whereas I felt the weight heavy on my chest.

“Oh…” my eyes stared at the floor as I racked my brain for something, anything that could keep me from falling apart.

My voice wavered as I cleared my throat, “Why is Heichou, I mean, Levi here?”

A smirk played at Connie’s lips, “Dunno, maybe he’s still trying to get away from Eren.”

“Connie!” Armin warned, “Don’t make fun of Eren.”

“Haha, yeah, yeah,” he chuckled, casually dismissing him.

“So, um…is Mikasa here too?” I mumbled, fidgeting with the strap of my backpack, not quite sure how to take all this information.

It’s not like I didn’t like Mikasa, don’t get me wrong, she’s great; I can see why people like her. A beauty unlike any other with her short black hair falling just above her shoulders, excelling at pretty much anything she did. It’s hard not to like her.

But she didn’t even have to try, one look and Jean would instantly be head over heels while I’m here struggling to get him to even look my way.

“Don’t worry, she’ll be too busy with Eren, I doubt you’ll run into them,” Armin assured me, but the doubt still lingered.

“I see, well I have to go or I’m gonna be late,” I said a bit calmer as I collected my thoughts and sprinted out the door.

Barely making it to my first class, I took a seat toward the back and close to the door.

_It’s been a while since I’ve been in school._

The class that barely held ten kids in a lady’s house was now holding close to thirty, probably even more. I smoothed my hands over the table, glad it wasn’t wooden. This was definitely another change I was going to have to get used to.

I look around for familiar faces when I saw one then another take the seats in front of me.

_Ha! You’ve got to be kidding me…_

A few rows ahead, sat the fairly built blonde. Seriously, no matter how many lifetimes pass, the two of them always seem to find each other. I casually glanced at how Reiner, the blonde, set his arm around Bertholdt’s, tall brunette’s, chair.

_Now why can I have that with Jean?_

I shook my head incredulously. Well, at least they’ve always been good company.

Leaning back in my chair, I took notes not really paying attention. The rest of my classes flew by just like that pretty boring even with Connie or Armin sitting by me, that is, until I reached my English class.

Again, I took the table farthest back and noticed that the two lovebirds were also in this class, occupying the table next to mine.

“Take a seat, the class will begin in a moment,” voiced the Professor.

My table was empty, it was just me, alone. Around the room, my eyes scanned for more familiar faces…nope, no Connie or Armin this time.

Just then, Jean rushed in, notebook flying, hair a mess claiming the first empty table across the room.

A smile crept onto my face…perhaps this day wasn’t going to be so bad.

“Okay class, you’ve had enough time to get to know each other, settle down,” the Professor interrupted with a shuffling of papers, “As you should have read in your syllabus, your first major grade will be the video project which we will be discussing in two weeks. For now, please split into groups of four.”

_Groups of four huh…_

I didn’t have to think as I naturally gravitated to the two guys who I knew would never remember me.

“Hey, mind if I join ya’ll?” I asked putting on a sincere smile.

“You sure you want to?” the blonde cocked a brow as if testing me.

Please, there is nothing I don’t know about these guys. I’ve seen it all, them making out in the channels of Italy, behind the Roman pillars, on the bridges in feudal Japan. I think I can handle them this time around.

“Yeah, pretty sure. I’m Marco, by the way,” I replied extending my hand, the smile never leaving my face.

A big hand grabbed mine, “I’m Reiner and this is my boyfriend, Bert.”

“Hey, nice to meet you,” I nodded to Bert.

“The homo is strong with this one,” I heard Reiner nudge and whisper not so quietly to Bert.

I couldn’t help but laugh a bit embarrassed, “Star Wars fan?”

“Oh, you heard that?” Reiner grinned. Bert, on the other hand, was sweating buckets.

“Yeah, kinda,” I rubbed my neck.

“Sorry bout that, Reiner has no filter sometimes,” Bert mumbled.

“Ah, it’s ok, it happens,” I mumbled knowing quite well how Reiner is, “You have good taste in movies though,” I quipped.

“Of course, got a whole lot of em’ back at the dorm!” Reiner boasted, “You should come over sometime! So, what’s the latest movie you’ve seen?”

“Just watched Insidious yesterday, but I have to tell you now, I can’t do scary movies.”

“Oh dude, you’re missing out! They’re not that bad, well not if you watch it the way we do,” he smirked at me, nudging an elbow at Bert.

“So Marco—

“Room for one more?” a voice unexpectedly interrupted.

My attention turned to find Jean, standing meekly beside me messing with his hair.

_Is this really happening? Actually, I don’t care, I’m glad._

Out of my stupor, I found the words to say, “Yeah, of course,” I managed as I pulled out the chair next to me.

“Guys, this is Jean. Jean, this is Reiner and his boyfriend, Bert,” I introduced them, hoping they didn’t mind.

“Great, now our group’s complete!” added Reiner.

We resumed our conversation, taking turns talking about the latest movies and our favorite ones. But as we talked, Jean never said a word. A glance to the side and I could see him looking about the room, fidgeting with his mechanical pencil.

I wanted to comfort him, to get him to open up to more people. From what Connie had told me, Jean didn’t have many friends and I wanted to change that since I haven’t been there for him.

But there wasn’t much I could do, we weren’t even friends. I couldn’t give him a hug, I couldn’t hold his hand, or pat his thigh to tell him it’s alright.

I felt utterly helpless.

Yet, I needed to do something. So I ruffled his hair, inconspicuously setting my arm around his chair as I asked him, “What about you Jean, what do you like to do for fun, besides the scary movies?”

My little gesture earned me some questionable squints and brow lifts from Reiner and Bert, but I could only shrug them off.

Finally, he spoke, “I like to swim.”

“That’s great!” we all said.

“I love swimming, there’s a nice beach not far from here. Maybe like a 1 or 2-hour drive,” I mentioned ecstatically, “My friends and I go there often.”

Of course, we were rarely on the beach.

“Dude, we should totally plan a trip to the beach!” added Reiner as if he just had the greatest idea ever.

We continued our small chitchat, this time Jean adding some input every now and then. We all even exchanged numbers. I felt a bit relieved, that is, until I noticed the rest of the students leaving, gathering their notebooks.

Class had been dismissed.

I couldn’t believe it, we were so engrossed in our conversation we literally missed the entire class.

_What did he say? Was there homework?_

“Marco.”

The familiar voice sent chills down my spine.

_Uh oh…_

“Yes?...”  I slowly twisted in my seat, my eyes shifting to the dark eyes dangerously glaring at me, “Levi?”

“It’s Professor, Marco,” he slapped down the papers hard on my head, “Now, since it’s the first day, I’ll let your incessant gossiping slide. Be prepared next time…that goes for the lot of you too.”

_How could I not have realized Levi was my English professor? Why is he even here?_

“That dude’s the teach?” I heard Reiner say, “He looks like a student, well not even!”

“He’s tiny,” Bert whispered in disbelief.

_Haha, guess I wasn’t the only one not paying attention._

My eyes lingered as they followed Levi returning to the front of the room, even with his small stature, he carried himself with such an overwhelming presence. Scary, I shivered.

“Uh, Marco?” Jean cleared his throat, “This your last class?”

“Oh, yeah. How bout you?” I settled back around packing my notebook.

“Ah, yeah. Me too,” he mumbled.

I felt like he wanted to ask me something, so I left the air open for conversation.

He never really made eye contact, to me it seemed he was in deep contemplation of whatever he was going to ask, that was before he muttered, “So…swimming…later yeah, see ya around.”

_What? What does that even mean?_

I pretty much sat there, completely lost with no idea what the hell just happened, watching as Jean exited out the door.

“What?” I scoffed aloud at the room that was suddenly starting to fill.

I shook it off and since that was my last class for the day, I headed back to the dorm.

That was the plan for the most part, but there were some questions that needed answering.

Unfortunately, Levi was in the middle of a class so the next person to answer my questions was Eren Jaeger and I knew exactly who to ask to find him.

 It didn’t take me much time to ask Armin, a quick text and I was on my way to the pool. Though, it never registered in my mind that Eren would be there, I should have known. He’s the one of the few out of the lot of us that has complete and total control of his transformation.

And I probably should have taken into account when Jean mention he liked to swim, maybe if I had, I wouldn’t be gawking at him in a speedo like some weirdo.

I found my way into the pool area, up to the bleachers on the side, and out of sight.

I didn’t want to get kicked out or even worse, be mistaken for a perv, but leaving this feast for my eyes of Jean would be insane, I was gonna look until his image was burned in my mind.

It was so entrancing how easily he swam, like he belonged in the water, for a moment I almost forgot he was human.

Although whenever he got out the pool, a scowl would show on his face. I didn’t think much of it since this Jean tends to scowl most of the time. But perhaps I should’ve.

I waited until the class was over to speak with Eren, catching him as he was leaving.

“Hey! Eren, can we talk?”

“Yeah, sure,” he answered, still wiping his wet hair in the towel which never ceased to amaze me.

Eren was one of the few mermaids that could keep their human form even when wet. Connie and Armin can kinda sort of do it for a couple of hours at least and me, well, I’ve never really had a reason to learn.

“Want to grab some coffee?”

“Sure,” Eren smiled, leading the way to the main lobby of the student center.

“So what’s up? I didn’t think you’d want to be around me, with the whole Jean and Mikasa thing,” he mentioned, gently blowing on his coffee as he took a seat at one of the empty tables by the glass wall.

“I don’t mind, it was bound to happen… but still, Eren, I don’t mean to be rude but why are you here?”

A light blush lit up his face as he looked away and mumbled, “Heichou decided to teach here for a while…”

“Do you know why that is? Why he’s here teaching?”

The puzzled looked he shot my direction told me I was missing something, “Really Marco? I wouldn’t act so surprised, I mean he was a scholar before I,” he leaned closer and whispered, “…before I _turned_ him.”

That’s right, it completely slipped my mind. Although it started completely by accident, Eren turned Levi into a mermaid—an act that shared his immortality, a ritual with too much of a burden and traumatic the council forbade it. 

“Oh that’s right.”

“Plus, he is one of the founders of Trost University too,” he smirked, knowing too well he caught me off guard.

“Is that so? And I’m guessing Mikasa followed you here then,” I said, finally put two and two together.

“Yep, I told her she shouldn’t come, but I’m the only family she has so I can’t really say no.

“That’s okay, I knew all too well things never go as planned…” I smiled taking a sip of my coffee which was now lukewarm.

“At least let me help you, with Jean I mean. Although, I’m pretty sure he hates me this time around too,” he laughed it off. “He may not remember, but I’m sure he hasn’t forgiven me for kicking his ass during Spartan training.”

We both laugh because it sure felt that way.

“So what did you do this time?” I asked always fascinated by their shenanigans.

“Gah!” he rubs his head, “well he probably doesn’t remember the first time we met, so it must have been sometime around high school then.”

He shrugged, continuing, “I may or may not have accidentally made him lose his winning streak on Street Fighter at the arcade by slapping him with my hotdog. In my defense, I didn’t see him when I was talking to Connie.”

_Now I wish I was there to have seen that!_

“So what happened the first time you saw him this time?” I asked genuinely curious.

“Don’t hate me Marco,” he mumbled, “ I may or may not have pushed him into the pool.”

_Haha, what?_

“You gotta understand, he just kept dipping his tiny little feet in the pool and then he bent over putting his little hands together pointing at the pool like he was gonna dive in, but he wasn’t going in! So I gave him a little nudge…you know, to help him out of course.”

I couldn’t help but shake my head still smiling, this was actually pretty funny and oh so ironic.

“Well, it happens,” I chuckled, “You can help I guess, do whatever floats your boat. Anyway, thanks and sorry for holding you up so long, you probably want to get back to Levi,” I teased, “I’ll see you around.”

With a pat on the back, I headed back to the dorm only to find the guys discussing something at the table. I joined them like I used to, out of habit, and poured myself a bowl of cereal taking a seat next to Marco.

 _Forgot humans have to eat multiple times a day…_ I thought to myself as my stomach grumbled.

“What’s up guys?” I asked in-between chews satisfying my rumbling stomach.

“Nothing much, just chilling,” Armin answered giving me some kind of weird look. I think he was trying to tell me something, but I just wasn’t getting it.

“Oh dude, I gotta show you what Sasha sent me, it’s hilarious!” Connie shouted as if suddenly remembering, sliding to his room in his socks, “I’ll be back!”

“Terminator,” Jean mumbled randomly.

_What?_

I didn’t know what to say to that so I looked to Armin, but he looked just as confused as I did.

Connie returned, handing me his cellphone to find a picture of Sasha attempting a sexy pose and then says to Jean, “I see that you’re drinking 1%. Is that cause you think your fat? Cause you’re not. You could be drinking whole if you wanted to.”

_What? Jean’s not fat…_

“Napoleon Dynamite,” he smirked before they both erupted in a fit of laughter.

Still laughing, Jean continued their little exchange, “Everybody knows you never go full retard.”

“Haha, nice try. Tropic Thunder,” he wheezed, flopping back down on the chair.

_Oh, movie lines! I get it, now it makes sense._

As the two guys tried to catch their breath, I decided it was a good time to mention the beach trip.

“Hey guys, want to take a trip to the beach around spring break, I think Reiner and Bert want to have a little party or whatever down there,” I informed them.

At the mention of Reiner and Bert, both Connie and Armin perked up.

“No way, you mean they’re here too?!” they asked incredulously.

“Yep, they’re in our English class, so what do you say?”

“Hell yea!! Let me call Sasha, she can come right?” Connie asked in mid dial.

“The more the merrier I guess.”

“So, I can bring Eren and Mikasa?” Armin asked a bit unsure.

I know it’s gonna happen so might as well get it over with. “Yep, even Eren and Mikasa,” I smiled weakly, definitely not looking forward to Jean meeting her.

As they spoke to the others on their phones, they both looked at me, “Same place?”

“Yep, same place.”

“So how do you guys know each other?” Jean suddenly questioned.

“Childhood friends?” we all said, I mean, that what you would call it right? I looked around and we all kinda agreed.

“Oh, cool,” he mumbled before playing around with his cereal again.

He looked so cute even when eating, suddenly my mind was flooded with memories of Jean, especially the one of him in a speedo and I seriously hoped I wasn’t drooling.

My mind went elsewhere as I stared at him, taking in his beautiful eyes which were actually making contact for the first time.

I could stare at him forever.

And I kinda did, until Connie suddenly called, “Marco!” and brought me out of my little daze.

“Could we talk to you for a second right quick…over there,” he pointed, bringing Armin along too, “This will only take a sec,” he told Jean.

“What?” I asked.

“Seriously dude? You’re gonna ask what, while you two where making googly eyes at each other?!” Connie angrily whispered.

“He’s right, you know,” Armin added, “You’re gonna weird him out, if you hadn’t already.”

“Oh, I didn’t even notice…”

_Oh god, they’re right. I hope I didn’t creep him out…_

“It’ll be fine, you can just play it off as a staring contest or something, but seriously Marco…”

“Be more careful,” Armin finished his sentence.

We returned to the table, but Jean was…gone.

_Oh no…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone!
> 
> Sorry this took so long to post, I meant to post it earlier but I GOT A NEW JOB!! Yay!! So I've been in transition and training, hopefully by next week I'll be able to post regularly.
> 
> Again, I must apologize for any mistakes, english ain't my forte yo (-_-)/
> 
> Anyway questions, comments, suggestions? 
> 
> You can reach me at---->>> http://drinkthatcactusjuice.tumblr.com/


	3. I'm not alright

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marco has some things to think about.

It was difficult you know, attempting not to panic that is as my eyes carefully traced every corner of the room in search of movement. Any movement would do I told myself; just then, a hand gently squeezed my shoulder, a comforting notion I hadn’t known I needed.

“He’ll be back,” Connie assured me as if Jean disappearing was a regular thing and I began to wonder when it ever was.

“I’ve really done it this time, haven’t I?” I whispered more to myself than to him.

“Nah, I bet he’s doing something stupid. Probably got bored while we were talking, it happens,” he chuckled.

And I hated it. I hated knowing the fact that I barely knew _this_ Jean, _my_ Jean.

“He’s right, you know,” Armin mentioned, not making me feel the slightest bit better.

I took my seat at the table again, letting my head droop in the nook of my arms.

“God, I feel so anxious all the time now. I never imagined it would be _so hard_ this time around,” I trailed off.

Tilting my head up, I peeked at the guys as they contemplated my statement as if treading on water.

Armin looked from Connie to me, his eyes determined to provide me with an escape from my own worries.

“Marco, I know you probably have your reasons but would you at least _try_ considering turning Jean?” he pleaded.

“No, never,” I answered swiftly lifting my head to sit up, crossing my arms, a bit childish I know.

Connie then joined in attempt to persuade me, “Marco, what if this is the last time Jean comes back?”

I could feel my mind becoming clouded, eyes misting as my mouth opened trying to find the right words to explain all my feelings—the dread of losing Jean, the fear of failing, and pain I would have to put Jean through—if I ever did decide to follow through with that plan.

“I can’t do that to him…I _won’t_ do it to him,” my voice managed to croak out as I shook my head.

“Jean’s not like Levi, he won’t have the heart to do it… _I_ don’t have the heart to do it.” I hesitantly continued, my breath escaping.

“Marco,” Armin cooed, “If he can get past that first stage, in the long run, it’ll be worth it. I mean, we had fun with Eren when he went through it, didn’t we?”

“Yes, but look at them now! Levi acts like he doesn’t remember and doesn’t give Eren the time of day!” I countered.

For the first time in a long time, Armin furrowed his brows at me and countered, “Marco, you know as well as we do that that’s not true. That’s the type of person Levi is, he may not say it but he shows it. He loves Eren.”

“It’s forbidden….” I tried to remind them, saying anything that will put an end to this conversation.

“Like that’s ever stopped us!” Connie laughed, before the smile dropped from his face. He went on, “Look…I know you’re scared, hell, I was fucking terrified when Sasha agreed to be turned.”

He glanced down at his hands that were clutched together on the table, “Yea, I was afraid…What if I didn’t fall in love with her? What if I never remembered?” his voice trailed off in a whisper.

As if gaining momentum, he continued.

“But I knew it would work, I was like you at some point you know, chasing her for a few centuries but I knew I couldn’t keep doing it. Knowing that, someday, she wouldn’t come back to me at all…now that scared me even more than turning her. And look! Now we’re happily married, livin’ the life, been together for seven centuries now,” he admitted, his eyes conveying the truth and happiness in his words.

And I envied him.

I envied the fact that he took a risk and succeeded. I envied the fact that he lives every day so happily. I even envy the fact that he can sit around and play video games in his pajamas knowing very well that a few moments later Sasha would definitely waltz in and sit in his lap with a bag of potato chips and soda. And that was something I wish I could have with Jean again.

Yeah, I envied him and I hated myself for that.

“You know Marco, this isn’t just _your_ choice. At some point, you’re gonna have to ask Jean what he wants,” piped Armin.

It irritated me; they kept getting ahead of themselves trying to get _me_ to turn Jean when I was nowhere near having any sort of relationship with him. And yes, I’d known of this option for the longest time. Like Connie said, laws had never stopped us…

But, he’s right…I was scared.

Just then, the door swung open taking all of us by surprise.

Jean had returned, carrying bags onto the kitchen counter and retrieving pint after pint of ice cream.

Connie gave me the I-told-you-so- nod as he teasingly asked Jean, “Dude, did you like buy the whole store?”

Giving him a cute scrunched up face, he replied, “I didn’t know which flavors you guys liked so I just bought a few…”

“That’s an understatement,” chuckled Armin as we all watched as the never ending ice cream emerged from the bags.

“Okay…but’s what with the like ten Rocky Roads?” Connie asked as he helped, if you could even call it helping seeing as he mostly hoarded his favorite flavors.

“They’re mine…and a few extras just in case,” Jean muttered, a sly smirk creeping onto his face.

“Oh man, you know what this means?!” Connie’s face lit up turning his evil grin toward us.

“Party?” guessed Armin.

“Movie night?” I tried, welcoming the change in mood.

But then again, I never knew what Connie was thinking, he’s the unpredictable one of the bunch, besides Eren, of course.

“Ice cream movie night sleepover party!” he shouted, completely proud of himself and grinning like an idiot.

_Just what is he thinking?_

He pulled out his phone, to invite Sasha I’m sure, but Jean managed to snatch it away.

“How about one movie, one ice cream seeing as we have class tomorrow,” he suggested taking some of the pints away from Connie and never had I felt more relieved.

I had too much on my plate to think about and not enough time to have it be wasted on movies _again_. I’m pretty sure I’m a movie expert by now, although it’s definitely not something to brag about.

I hate to admit it but for a while there—when I thought Jean was never coming back—I kinda went on a movie binge, watched any and every movie I could get my hands on. It was pretty pathetic, I mean, I can only imagine what the people in the theater must’ve thought seeing me crying, laughing, and throwing popcorn at the screen during a horror movie.

I shook away the embarrassing memory just in time to catch Connie’s reaction.

“Inconceivable!” he exclaims placing a hand on his chest.

“Princess Bride,” I laughed, earning me a quizzical look from Jean and a muffled giggle from Connie.

By the look Connie gave me, I could tell I was in for trouble, trouble that I was very much looking forward too.

“Anyway, I agree with Jean. We do have classes tomorrow. It’s now…” I checked the time, “11:46, we could probably do a movie and still be able to get a good night’s sleep,” I proposed.

“Yeah, that’s true. We can do your ice cream movie night sleepover thingy next time and we can even invite the gang,” offered Armin, “But we get to decide on the movie,” he added grabbing hold of my arm.

“I’m gonna have to go with Armin here,” I nudged, “I don’t think I’ll survive another scary movie,” we laughed.

“Fine,” Connie finally relented, “Okay here’s what we’re gonna do—let’s all choose one movie to watch and then we’ll pick one out from the four.”

“Will that include scary movies?” we asked.

Connie looked at Jean, both then looked back at us, the corners of their mouths turning up in a mischievous smirk, “Yea.”

_Great…just peachy…_

We all return, meeting up in the living room. In hand, Armin had The Human Centipede which I’m sure Connie had a hand in choosing seeing as Armin would never pick a horror movie by his own free will. Jean had The Avengers, for some reason, though I had totally expected some kind of gory horror movie, a real hair raiser. Connie, on the other hand, had Paranormal Activity, no surprise there, and I had How to Train Your Dragon—don’t judge me.

_Call me a kid, I don’t care, How to Train Your Dragon is such a good movie, I cried...twice. And how could you not love Toothless anyway, that dragon is too adorable!_

“Okay, here’s how we’re going to do it. Marco, you’ll choose since you’re the most honest one here, no offense Armin. Anyway, someone will cover his eyes and he’ll choose one while we shuffle them,” explained Connie.

“Jean, cover his eyes,” I heard Armin tell Jean.

Suddenly, it’s pitch dark, I can feel Jean’s warmth radiate from the tip of his fingers to my face. It’s hot—this was as close to Jean as I’d ever been in a long time. I couldn’t blame my heart for getting ahead of me, rushing to thump so loud I was afraid everyone could hear it.

“Ok, now choose one,” said Connie, “May the odds be ever in your favor.”

I could tell those words were just dripping with sarcasm.

“Hunger Games,” I whispered as I reached out a hand hoping luck was on my side tonight.

And it was, but not at all how I expected.

Suddenly, there was a slight crack of light streaming through one of Jean’s hands; of course, I don’t condone cheating but I think I could allow it for just this one occasion.

I pretended to not know which to grab, hovering my hand as if debating, then placing down a hand and grabbed The Avengers.

“AUGH!” could be heard from Connie as soon as I touched the DVD.

Hands were still stuck to my face, the gap still open enough to let me catch sight of Connie rolling around the carpet in defeat.

“What the hell?!” he moaned from behind his hands.

I couldn’t help but giggle as I teased, “I guess the odds were in my favor.”

I gently touched Jean’s hands slowing peeling them off my face, my own slightly trembling as I did.

“Shall we get started?” I asked getting up to have first pick of my ice cream, trying my best to calm myself.

By the time I returned, everyone had made their own nest in front of the TV. Connie and Armin huddled together with their ice cream surrounded by their small pillow blanket fort. And Jean, well I’m not sure I could even see Jean anymore as he was swallowed up by his thick blanket looking much like that chubby caterpillar from A Bug’s Life.

After turning the lights off, I made myself comfy at the only open spot which just so happen to be next to Jean, aren't I lucky?

Then when I was done settling down, Connie grabbed the remote to hit play.

I couldn’t keep quiet for long and ended up cackling when the rocket hit Thor as he told his brother “Listen well brother—” Then Loki shook his head a little and said, “I’m listening.” God he’s so sarcastic, I love it! I almost forgot how funny this movie was as it played. I can honestly say it’s been a while.

I became so engrossed in the hilarity of the scenes, especially when Thor was confronting Tony telling him not to touch him again and he replied like a child “Then don’t take my stuff.”

I found myself chuckling every few minutes but soon, the sleep gets to me too. I looked over to my right at Jean and he’s as good as gone, completely zonked out. As he was beginning to tip over, I nudged him back into place. And it didn’t take long after that for Connie to begin his little pranks as he tried to draw on Jean’s face with permanent marker.

“Imma just draw a dick, a very small one—on his forehead. And that’s it, I promise,” he whined.

“Nuuuuh,” I swung an arm half asleep hoping to get a direct hit.

I missed but somehow, I managed to keep that marker away from his peaceful face. Not much later though, the urge to sleep became too much that I passed out.

And of course, now I had put myself in the direct line of fire for Connie’s shenanigans. I could tell as I felt a jerk to my arm. With heavy lids, I pried an eye open only to barely make out Connie sneakily trying to move Jean and his blanket.

Honestly, I didn’t worry knowing very well that the worst that could happen to him was getting a dick drawn on his face; hell, I was too tired to even argue with him by then. So I ended up letting Connie do his thing, whatever it was, and managed to mumble to him somewhat coherently to not hurt Jean or I’d have his head and to turn off the TV while he was at it.

I woke up again later that night or morning, I didn’t really know, feeling a familiar pressure on my chest. That guy had actually done something nice, though Jean probably wouldn’t see it that way. Either way, the corners of my mouth widened into a smile at how much I had missed sleeping with Jean like this that I didn’t even hesitate for a second to pull him in closer to me.

This brought me back.

We used to sleep like this back during Spartan training, this was back when I found Jean a little later than usual. I, myself, was going through a rough phase at the time -ahem- puberty.

It hadn't been easy, I was a whiny emotional little brat and I'm, still to this day, wondering how the hell I barely managed to survive trainings.

Now I know what you're thinking, why did I even do the training in the first place?

Well, usually whenever I come back to meet Jean, he's always younger than me or around my age. I'd sneak in into his room and we'd leave to play well into the night, I even got him in trouble a few times…Not that I’m proud of it or anything. People were even starting to believe I was imaginary. But I couldn’t help it, I had no control over my transformations back then.

Anyway slowly but surely, it was taking longer to find Jean. Usually whenever he was reincarnated, the world would go silent and there would be a soft chiming in my head and I just kinda knew he was back, you know?

Silly, right?

However, that time even after I’d finally manage some type of control over my transformation, he'd already been voted into one of the public messes. All I had wanted was to play with Jean again but for me to even remotely be in the same room with him I was going to have to get myself in.

I had no idea what I was in for, everything I did during training questioned my moral values and required me to push myself farther than I'd ever had. It was completely different to the carefree life I was living. Back then, I had to steal, kill, and fend for myself without getting caught, punishments were brutal if you were.

By the time I was done, I had changed. My body had molded itself to that of a lean muscled young man's before I had even known it. It had taken me by surprise. It also made me wonder how fast I was in the water now.

But that's a different story.

Anyway, I was still very much awkward then. God, I remember that day so clearly like it was yesterday.

_Earlier that day, I had spotted him sitting, fiddling with his spear on a slab of stone quite a long ways away from the barracks. I had returned again to where I had last seen him hoping he hadn't moved._

_And he hadn't._

_"Ioannes! Teach me!" I managed to squeak out._

_“No" his voice rumbled deep, a sound I was not yet accustomed to, “Find someone else.”_

_"Teach me!" I begged having no other clue how to convince him. I mean, it was not like I could just tell him everything about me, even though I very much wanted to, could I?_

_No, I couldn't. There were laws, even for my people._

_But what could I do?_

_Perhaps if I showed him my skills, or how badly I need him, then maybe he would consider teaching me. So I lunged at him with my makeshift spear, I wasn't going to hurt him—it was a demonstration after all._

_So when he easily snatched my spear away and broke it with a single hand, I felt utterly defeated. I had no choice but to watch as my weapon fell, piece by piece, onto the dirt ground by my bare feet._

_What could I say to convince him? What could I possibly do? He was completely beyond my reach. His skills and strength completely overpowered mine._

_I wondered if I was going have to wait for him to die and try again the next time...But he was here right in front of my eyes!_

_My hands clenched into fists, the frustration of the dilemma at hand beginning to work my nerves. I did manage to get my breathing under control, but that was all._

_The sound of shuffling called forth my attention, forcing my eyes upward to him. Jean was even more fearsome up close. His build was wider, his skin tan from days spent training in the sun, and his hair cut short the two colors almost blended together._

_I think that was the beginning of when I realized I wanted him more than just a friend to play with._

_He continued to stare as did I, my gaze unwavering as I searched for the solution to my problem. And I found one. Or rather, he answered it for me._

_"Come," he ordered quite briskly, an order I was gladly willing to follow._

_We arrived at his living quarters inside the barracks, tossing his clothes at my feet, beckoning me to come closer._

_“A bath is needed if you are to stay with me, we’ll then start tomorrow with shield practice.”_

_I could only nod as I stepped closer as he gripped my shoulders pushing me lower into the hot water._

I could still feel his hands as they washed the dirt off my back.

I may or may not have gotten a little carried away by my memories as I slipped my hand up under his shirt loving the contact with his hot skin.

Brushing my face in his hair, I held him for the first time in a long time—taking in his scent, letting his warmth radiate through me. It wasn’t nearly enough, but for now it had to be so I carefully slipped away from under Jean, untangling our legs, and I gazed at him.

How could something so perfect be within my grasp, yet slipping through my fingers at the same time?

I debated for a second before I lifted him and carried him back to his bed, tucking him in while smoothing out the furrow in his brow.

“What are you dreaming about, Jean?” I wondered aloud as I poked his face.

His face kept scrunching up every few seconds; it was beginning to bother me. Minutes passed by as I caressed his hair making sure he was relaxed before I finally decided to go back to my own bed, but not before allowing myself one last chance to touch Jean.

Slipping to his side, I press my forehead to his—lightly tracing my fingers over his face. I couldn’t help but smile at the fact that I hadn’t changed a lot of my silly habits with Jean either.

_Jean, I wish you’d remember…_

Sadly, I returned to my bed before I did something stupid like wake Jean up in the middle of one of my whims and get called out as some perverted weirdo. Yeah, didn’t want that to happen. It’s exactly that kind of thing that would set me back.

So before I closed my eyes, I grabbed my cell phone from my night stand again shifting though my picture gallery beneath the sheets. 

And I smiled.

Sinking into the warmth of my bed, I was finally ready to let sleep come take me away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait, writer's block is hard to get rid of lol But here's the next chapter, enjoy!!
> 
> Anyway questions, comments, suggestions?
> 
> You can reach me at---->>> http://drinkthatcactusjuice.tumblr.com/


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